July 31, 2019

The Circle of Comparison - How can this end?

The circle of comparison - Who can end it and How?
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Usually, with friends' children, cousins' children whose infancy we remember.
Oh, he was like that, why is she like this?
Oh, he slept through the night, why is she not sleeping?
Oh, she took her feed promptly, why is he not taking?
Oh, she cried so much, this guy is not crying.
Oh, he never cried at all, this girl is always crying.

My sister's son crawled already when he was this age, she doesn't seem to yet.
My friend's daughter already acknowledges with her coos, he doesn't do that yet.
That baby eats so well, why does he not open his mouth at all?
That baby is already clapping hands, playing, responding so well, why does she not do it yet?

He already runs, why does she not even make an attempt?
He already talks words, why does he not do?
She already sings ABC song, when will he sing?
He already counts up to 20, when will she say?
He cooperates so well, why does she not?

She already draws a circle, why doesn't he?
She already speaks sentences, why doesn't he?
He already sings rhymes, why doesn't she?
He already writes some alphabets, why doesn't she?

She already does cursive writing, when will he?
She already reads words, when will he?
He already adds numbers, when will she?
She already dances so well, when will he?
He already sings so well, when will she?

She already recites the multiplication tables, when will he?
He already reads so much, when will she?
She already writes sentences, when will he?

Middle School:

High School:



Post Graduation:

Children's children:

Grand Children:

How long? How far? How mean?

Adding to comparison among children, there will be a comparison among schools:
That school already teaches cursive writing at 5 yrs.
That school teaches addition at 4 yrs.
That school teaches sight words at 4 yrs.

This is an unending story. Is there an end to this? Who is the planner? Who is the executor of that plan? Does the planner focus on the child or the comparison circle? Is the child internally motivated to accomplish tasks or just does it for the sticky stars and other rewards? 
A sticky star for not crying in the playschool
A sticky star for singing the rhyme during the preschool
A sticky star for finishing the writing practice in kindergarten.
A sticky star for finishing the meal fast.
A sticky star for not troubling the teachers.
A sticky star for completing the addition.
A sticky star for ......................

A sticky star for being what the adult expected her to be, doing what the adult had asked her to do while manipulating her own thoughts in order to conform, swallowing her emotions so as to be 'in order'. Does this do more harm than good to the child? If there is any good, I can only think of better peace for the adult for getting things done at the expense of the child dismissing her emotions, not learning from her behaviour and manipulating her self for the reward of getting a "sticky star".

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Is there really an end to this? 
YES. Indeed, there is. 
Where? How? 

There can be an end to this comparison circle in the adult's mind, in the parent's thought and thus end this battle of emotions between child and adult. 

Can the child be the focus for her own learning without comparing what the other children are doing?
Can the child lead her learning with facilitation from an adult as needed?
Can the child pick her own challenges and internally motivated to accomplish tasks?
Can the child feel and realise the joy of slow eating and swallowing the food while showing gratitude towards her plate? Group prayer and then giving out sticky stars for eating fast cannot replace this!!!
Can there be a better connection between the adult and the child instead of gathering news by the adult from the society around?

Can the child be the focus?

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This is not a post to generalise all the adults, all the teachers or even all the schools. 

This post need not and will not affect you if:
  • As a parent or a teacher, you do have a reward system in place and you justify yourself genuinely. Remember, you are the best judge as long as you are connected to the child and listen to your own intuition.
  • You do not have any reward system and you know what you are doing is right
  • Your school absolutely does not have any reward system to get the students to complete tasks
  • You as a parent or as a teacher are child-centric in the true sense, not theoretically but practically keeping the kids as they are, internally motivated with no external rewards to make do stuff
Image result for child comparison

In all other cases, if you have realised and looking for an alternative or if you make do without realising the real impact of our actions on the little champs, I hope this post helps you to look beyond what you see, think beyond the completion of task in front of you and connect better with the little child staring in front of you.

#RethinkParenting #RethinkEducation

(All images copied from Google)

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July 27, 2019

Opinions, Views and Judgments

Being judgemental, Judging - I don't remember having to hear that I was judgemental ever but heard it from a respectable friend of mine recently.

It gave me a good chance to ponder over my thoughts, why I had shared my thought, what made me share my view and what made it being judgemental. I was happy I got an opportunity to understand thoughts, behaviour and most importantly myself more.

And I was becoming more aware, thinking about my thoughts, not for a moment or an hour, not for a day or two but got in a journey of its own.

Why does anyone share an opinion?
One case is when someone asks for feedback - that is when we consciously share our opinion about what was asked about.

Another case is when there is a discussion happening on a certain subject. I guess it depends on what is the subject that is brought up. Because, for certain subjects, of which I do not share any interest at all, I don't bother to even put my energy into talking about it. I am just there, hearing to what is being said, that's all.

For some subjects that interest me - Yes, I do ponder over what is shared, ponder over what I think about it, whether there is something I got to learn from what I heard or read, whether there is something that I could contribute for it.

As a clear example, since I am interested in subjects of children, parenting, education, life, being aware, I have this website of mine that I share a whole lot of my views. I write about mainstream parenting, mainstream education, living without realising the purpose and share my view on how we can get better at it. In this process, am I judging the fellow parents? Am I judging the mainstream schools? Google says the meaning of judgemental is "having or displaying an overly critical point of view".
To put it in other words, I am sharing my views over the topics that interest me and again sharing my views on how we can get better at those topics that interest me.
To listen or not is up to the discretion of the audience. To follow it or not is up to the discretion of the reader. To even read what I write or not is again at the discretion of the person who browsed upon my blog post! Moreover, each of us should be aware of what we are hearing, think if we value that new perspective and learn from it only when we wish to.

This post is not to hurt the sentiments of any person in any relationship. In fact, since I try to learn from most of my life experiences, this experience also has helped me learn better about myself.

I strongly believe the point that 'Universe always gives each of us the experiences that help us grow within'. Whether we take it that way or not is up to each of us


July 25, 2019

Children already know!

Each one of us has taken this birth with a certain purpose in life. Do we know that? Do we realise that? Do we work towards our life purpose? Do we spend time in knowing, unlearning and relearning about our own life? All this depends on how close you are to your intuition. Because it is the intuition which is shouting from deep within one's self in order to lead him to his own life purpose.

Yet, hardly any actually take the time out, the thoughts out, the emotions out to connect with one's own intuition.

What's worse? Not realising this and bringing up the next generation of individuals in the same manner that leads them to blind themselves from their intuition!!

For any child who has realised this has done it very late and spends a lot of time(maybe years), mental energy, spiritual life to just reclaim his life - to undo all that he has gone through and claim back his life and work towards the purpose of life.

There are many spiritual texts that actually say, an infant even during his time of birth and after his birth remembers the reason for his birth and the things he has set his mind upon to accomplish in the present lifetime. This is slowly forgotten as a child moves away from his/her intuition while getting busy in obeying what the adults ask him/her to do.

My recent book has again reaffirmed this fact. Even the simple(in parents' view) commands like:

Don't touch that,
Stay away from there,
Keep your hands off that,
Eat everything on your plate whether you like it or not,
You don't really feel that way,
You don't really want that,
You should be ashamed of yourself,
Stop crying have the deepest impact on our subconscious.

Our subconscious only hears the no or the inability to think and act according to one's will upon hearing such commands.


Let us all become more aware of our living, ponder into our life, raise ourselves and inturn lend a helping hand in raising our children.

RethinkParenting RethinkEducation

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Homeschooling - Learning Plan?

More than 2.5 hours of discussion with lots of whys, whats, hows, whens that made her prepare this to-do list for tomorrow.

Many thoughts, many questions.
Why do North America and South America have a common name America in their names?
Why do Pandavas and Kauravas have the same grandfather? Some days back, we drew a family tree starting from DD's great grandfather. So, we thought we could make one family tree for the Pandava and Kauravas family.
why does one work? why do we need money to get something? why don't we get things just like that? when did money start? why is money that is printed in certain only is seen as money? the printing ink is wasted, instead, we can just take a plain paper and write down the number and hand over? Why is this system and when did this system start that we need money to buy something. This discussion leads to the barter system and we noted down to make an exercise on this.

Why do mosquitoes eat human blood as food? why only female mosquito? What does male mosquito have as food? Why do they need human blood?
Why do we throw plastic trash? so many water animals die because of that?
A child is curious by nature. Does her curiosity lead her to her own learning journey? Or is her curiosity silenced because it is time to catch the bus, time to eat, time to sleep, time to study, time to obey the adult?
The child starts to believe that her questions are indeed important if the adult has given time to the child's questions to deepen her learning.

On the contrary, the child begins to understand that her questions are not more important than doing what she was supposed to do as told by the adult at that moment if the conversation was silenced in order to rush through life.

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And, we took the time to get off the bed, turn back the light on, look for a pen & paper, write down and go back to bed.

Also, there are many parents who complain that their child does not have the focus or concentration while doing a task. Where the task might be writing sight words 10 times, writing number 10 times, solving worksheets and such stuff. It might be important to ponder about - What task? Whose task? Who initiated? Who leads? Who does? Who forces? Let us please rethink the entire situation and let the child lead her own learning! There is no doubt about a child's concentration levels when the task has been initiated by the child herself.


July 10, 2019

Do you want the child to stop crying?

3yo falls down, she has bewildered(in a sense, beautiful) expression on her face while she is trying to figure out what just happened and realising that she has slipped on the floor.

An adult rushes to her saying 'oh, that was a great Jump. That was not a fall, but, indeed a big jump. Wow'.

Did we camouflage the child's sense of wondering and her trial of figuring out things with our fear(maybe she will start crying?) And misled words(we think we are comforting, instead)

Did we disconnect the child from her inner feelings?

Can we just connect to what the child feels at the moment and figure out things along with her?

Can we stop diverting the child's attention in order that she does not cry??

All emotions are natural. All feelings are ok. Let's embrace what the child feels and just 'BE' with them instead of labelling their action and reacting out of fear.



Trust the child or Push the child?

20 year old refuses to attend a community function as she feels she doesn't know anyone much and would not have a good company. Her choice is respected and she is left on her own.
4 or 8 years old refuses to participate in a group game in the function. She is pushed, coerced, rewarded with good girl labels until she gets herself in the group.
We may think that children of a certain age need us to make their decisions while we can leave children of another age to decide for themselves.
Truth is, child of any age can decide her action for herself. He/she is the one who should feel comfortable in a group and s/he is the one who should want to do something without an external push.
A constant external push for their schedules and what they should be doing will eventually make them looking for external consent and appreciation for their acts instead of listening to their inner voice.
Children of any age need our facilitation maybe to explore their surroundings better but not decisions from us.
Trust the child. Trust the child's feelings. Connect with the child. This helps the child to connect to their intuition better and listen to their own inner voice.