August 17, 2018

Let the child be - 2

Here is the post that has the same title as this one also relevant as a pre-read.

Close-Up Portrait Of Cute Girl At Home : Stock Photo
Since early days, I had some beliefs about life and thoughts that I been pondering over ever since.

Some of them being:

1. We are all born with a purpose: To realise and to know our purpose is the first step that one can ever take towards achievement in life.

2. We are born free. As a child, we still remember the purpose of our birth. Gradually, our mind falls in the fears and threats of the environment and it succumbs to the external power, that is when we start to forget about ourselves, move far from ourselves and think of ways of navigating this complex environment filled with threats, fears and bullys. If one is still wise enough to stay close to the self, one gets lucky to still have the thought of 'knowing one's self' as one of his aim though not sure when and how it would happen.

3. A child who does exactly what an adult asks for, is either over-matured to know what was asked for, the reason behind it, do it and still stay away from the egoistic society OR the child has absolutely lost the power of thinking and deciding what he is here for and what he is being asked to do and JUST does it, for the sake of the adult involved in the situation. These could be very simple tasks to complex tasks. As simple as reading, writing to as complex as making decision to buy some item of personal use. In short, we tend to take our children farther from themselves when we try to succumb them to our fears, threats and bullys to get things done in daily life.

4. One can still invest in knowing about the self even without moving far from the society he lives in.

5. All pervasive god, universal energy, spiritual energy and the many terms that it has in the various sections of the seen and unseen world is all one and all within us. To KNOW this, REALISE this and ACT upon this are life's most important tasks. No, pleasing adults with so-called 'nice' behaviour is not something very important for a child. Obeying adults to finish the daily tasks is not something that is important.

6. Now that we came across the term 'obey', let us look at the dictionary meaning of 'obedience'

compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority.
"children were taught to show their parents obedience"
synonyms:complianceacquiescence, tractability, tractableness, amenability; More
  • observance of a monastic rule.
    "vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience"

Do we wish ourselves to be obedient and succumb to the instructions of another's authority? OR
Do we wish to ponder, think and decide all by ourselves, may be, with a partner's guidance about things that affect us and immediate circle around us?

Do we wish our child to be obedient, lost his thinking skill completely and just keep saying 'yes' to an authoritative voice without even knowing what, why, how, when of that is being asked?

OR

Do we wish to raise empowered children who can think, decide and act on their own, to the best of their knowledge, their experience and in the best interest of themselves and the immediate circle around them?

So, the terms 'obedience', 'child obeying an adult' are to be revisited by every parent individually.
And, no, being obedient is not one of the needed trait for a child.


7. No matter what happens in life, never move far from yourself, your intuition, your subconscious whatever you call it. Know who you are and act accordingly. I have been intuitive even in my parenting journey, allowing the child to make decisions. (More details in another post)

8. Then I began pondering and reading about life after death, life before birth, birth and death and how they are perceived in various sections of the society. Starting from my pregnancy, I have started thinking and realising about how a child actually remembers her soul's journey and purpose of present life and how best to not disturb her intuition.

9. As rightly said, all the dots can be connected. Nothing in life happens by chance, everything happens by choice. All my thoughts started moving close to each other, connecting and giving me an action plan based on it. I began to come across more resources that explain about autonomy, intuition, knowing one's self. Some of them, I paste here:

There is a lot more rotten about society than just education and we need to raise our children to question everything that is rotten about society, and they can only do that when they are supremely in connect with their inner selves. This is going to back to Hobbes’ State of Nature, and starting over from first principles. Allowing children to be at their own will and follow their desires also felt like an Epicurean way of living. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_of_nature

10. We could be non-judgmental and still resolve conflicts instead of being judgmental and labeling people, more happens for children. What is the reason to be judgmental on any person if not for all the fancy terms that a language holds and that the adult thinks he has a right to use them over little ones? Good, bad, beautiful, dirty, messy, clean, sweet, arrogant, timid, fearing, ferocious,  over-powered, lazy, naughty, harsh, unmanageable and many more. Would an adult accept if the labels were thrown at him? Why do we treat children and adults differently?

11. So, what do we do to let the child still be close to his intuition and know more about the self?
Allow the child to be free.
Allow the child to make a decision.
Allow the child to just be without imposing rules.
Do not disturb the child's relation with his self by using labels, fear, threat, bully.
Child are curious thinkers until this authority dawns upon them to submit their inner nature.

This 'allow' that is mentioned in the above statements is not SOMETHING that we need to do as a favour for our child. A child acts according to his intuition if we back out with our rules, fears, threats, labels and just be with the child at the moment. May be, a little bit of facilitation is required at times.  All that is needed is JUST BE in the moment. Nothing more, nothing less.

a boy in the bedroom : Stock Photo

Experience the joy of living and let the child experience the joy of living. A child already knows how to enjoy living and is already doing it unless there is an intervention by an authority to not be so and be only in a specific way.

Can we be a little kinder to the little ones, please? 

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