December 20, 2017

Are you raising an obedient child?

Are you aiming to raise an obedient child? Do you wish to raise a child who listens and does exactly what is asked for, by parents/grandparents at home and teachers at school?

What is obedience?

Well, the dictionary says: compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority.
observance of a monastic rule.

So, basically, obedience is doing what is asked for. No ifs, no buts, Just do what is told. And, what are the reasons that are usually quoted?

  • I am elder than you, I know better, do it the way I am saying
  • The teacher has ultimate authority, you have to do whatever the teacher says. You should not say 'No'.
  • You should never say 'No' to elderly/parents/grandparents
  • If you don't listen to what I say, I am not going to give you what you asked me (some bribe).
  • If you don't do as I ask you to, never will I listen to you in future. 
A child who always obeys what the others say develops to be obedient with absolutely no power to exercise his/her own thinking in one's own life. 

May be, just one possible reason for child abuse could be that the child lost her power to say 'No'. Because, her 'No' was never acknowledged at home or school, because she lost trust that her 'No' can be heard, because she never knew she could even say 'No' to something?

Why can't we raise children who live on their own thoughts. Why can't children listen to all that the elders say and then, think for themselves what is right and act upon it? 

If the child is always nodding a yes to all that the elders say, how can she be provided with opportunities in life where she has to know what good is, what evil is and choose good over evil? 

The foundation for all this is mostly set in a very early age (0-6 years) where the child encounters tens of situations in everyday life where the child picks something or wishes to do something but is stopped abruptly by the parent. Or even in school, rather than bringing out the thoughts from a child, thought process of the teacher is forced upon the child.

The early years of child development is utmost important because, 95% of the brain is developed in these early years. 

So, how should the situation be dealt with? Empower the child. Provide ample opportunities for her to think upon the situation and make a decision of what she wants to do. Points like the ones listed below are to be kept in mind before making any decision:
  • One's thoughts, words, actions do not hurt any other
  • One's thoughts, words, actions are pure and united. This is termed  as 'Trikaranasuddhi'
both the above are something that cannot be taught to a child, but, will be followed by a child who constantly watches the parent doing it.

There is nothing that we specifically teach a child. A child learns, very naturally, all that the parents do. If you want to raise better kids, focus on raising your own self to a better version every day and also focus on staying connected to your child emotionally. The ground for your child to bloom is set. 


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