September 03, 2017

Hold back, don't push yourself to push your child.

How many times have you pushed your child to do something you wanted to be done at that moment?

How many times have you immediately started yelling at the child for not running towards the dining table just when you call out her name?

What if you had just held back, waited for a moment, ponder over what the child is doing and leave it up to the child to recall what it is that she has to do?

When you keep pushing yourself to always push your child towards doing what you want her to do, your mind is always filled with thoughts like - oh!, she just doesn't move to the table, She always leaves the tap open, let me remind her immediately(along with some yelling and shame words, not to forget).

And, the more you keep pushing your child to do something, the more uninterested the child becomes in doing that exact thing leading to more confusion and disconnection between you too.

Did you ever think like, what else could have been done? How else could I have dealt with it? How else could I have spoken to my child? Could I just wait for a moment and learn something from my child?

Your child just comes from outside and right after you step in the house you make a long statement asking her to leave her shoes, right after doing that, you ask her to go to freshen up. Even while she is walking towards the washroom, just because you interpret her slow walk to denial of your order, you again yell at her to 'just go to the washroom and clean her hands, legs'. If you had observed, even she might have been walking towards the same, just a little slower while taking joy in every step she makes and moving along the line leading towards to the washroom.

Do you find yourself singing the background song for every act that the child does?

Say, something slipped out of her hand, you say 'oh!it fell down. you can't hold things firmly etc.' even before she notices the thing on floor and attempts to pick it up.
She uses the washroom and you say ' don't do this, don't do that, wash your hands, wipe your hands, wear your pant' even without realising that, had the child been left for himself, he would do exactly all that you intend, only with a bit more pleasure in doing things.

You see your child picking up toys from floor and even before her tiny hands could reach all of them, you keep saying ' there, you see, pick it up. Here, don't forget, pick this up'.

Why? Why do we always want to push our children to do things? Why can't we leave them to choose what they wish to do? Empowering them with the necessary information should be sufficient. Why can't the children be left to make their decisions? Why do parents think that their child is not capable of thinking? Why do the parents want to prepare the entire day schedule for their child? Why shouldn't the child be left to drive her day all by her interest?

Remember, parenting does not mean the parent has authority over the child. In fact, children are much beyond capable than what the parents were and are right now. The child is growing into future generation that parent has not even envisioned and the child's thinking ability is being limited by the parent always pushing over trivial things around the house.

Next time you see your child immersed in something, give her time and freedom - the greatest gifts one can receive.


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