March 17, 2017

One thing you could do when your child who is upset, upsets you

Ever wondered how you could deal or what you could say to an upset child?

It was dinner time. I've been calling LO1 since quite a few minutes and she was on her way to her place at the dining table when she picked something from the side table and rushed towards her chair while also asking me not to move from the place where I was standing. LO2 was lying in the stroller beside LO1's chair at the dining table making sounds as if calling for us to come around her.

Even though in a hurry to start dinner, reluctantly as well as abruptly, I had to stop when LO1 asked me to do, then, tripped over my toe and moved a bit forward for which LO1 again said - 'No, Don't move, I'm doing something here'. And, I seemed to be getting impatient but not wanting to react in a fury, discarded my feeling of impatience and looked over to observe what my daughter was actually doing. As if adjusting my posture I moved around within a radius of an inch for which I hear another 'No! I told you not to move'. That's it, it hit my buttons. It was dinner time, I was waiting for her to finish what she wanted to do, I stood there for quite sometime, LO2 was slowly starting to call out loud for me. Amidst all this chaos, LO1 becomes furious because she thought I was moving from my place.


So, what would you do when you are already upset?

With various types of emotions shooting in my head, wondering how I should explain my child that I was not moving and her becoming furious was totally uncalled for, I rushed to her with all my speed, being my usual self who just cannot accept a yell or spank at kids, I was left with just one option, I carried her in my arms and hugged her tight, slowly whispering in her ears that I was actually waiting for her to finish what she was doing and she needn't shout for that. Still carrying her, I stood in front of a mirror where, upon looking at her upset face, she realised she had over reacted. At that moment, I asked her, should I hit you or hug you for which her answer was 'HUG'. I hugged her tight and reassured her that being young, kids don't understand how to talk soft but I would always show my love and support for her.

See the transformation from negativity to positivity..


In this scenario, something massive happened in my mind. Yes. I could clearly see all the negative energy within me(hurry since it was past dinner time, impatience because LO1 was keeping me waiting while LO2 was already calling for me, annoyance when LO1 broke down crying while asking me to wait for the third time in a row) - all of this, all of the disturbing energy, just in a moment, transformed into positive energy, a loving hug, an understanding between child and parent, a reassurance to the child that parent is always there to guide her and not judge her, a nurturing care that every child longs for, more so when the child is already upset with something.

One thing you could do when your child who is upset, upsets you is this.

Seriously, all that a child who is upset needs, is a tight hug and soft words to bring her down to your level of calmness. And, no child actually gets better upon being hit or spanked. All that it leads to, is low self esteem and mistrust in close family members. Remember, as your child is physically growing from 0 to 6 years, she is also growing emotionally where the main teachers are her parents and immediate care takers. The child learns all her emotions from her family. Watch your actions as well as your reactions to your child's actions. 

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