January 02, 2017

Physical needs and emotional well being

There were days/months when A would just say no to oiling her hair and even cry to a great extent upon the slightest trial of doing it.
There were days when she was saying no to applying body lotion.
There were days when she used to deny whichever pair of clothes I would show her and take almost 20 min of time just to decide which one she wants to wear.
There were days when she used to run away from the room immediately after bath.
There were days when she took very long time to go to sleep.
There were days when she had just one spoon of curry and get off her chair.
Now things are not the same. Situations have been changing gradually.
She wants to apply oil, lotion on her own now. She either says yes or says no and quickly decides which pair she wants to wear. It takes time to learn the decision making ability. You cannot expect a one year old to decide as quickly as you do. After bath, she patiently waits for me to dress her up and then moves out of the room. She wants to eat on her own at times mimicking the way I eat and says, Amma ananya same same, of course, other times, she is again tough to convince to sit at a place for so long to eat.
Its not the same all through. One day, things seem to be fine. Next day, they seem like have gotten back to impossible.
It is redundant to pour out our emotions when things don't seem to go in the right direction. Ultimately, after some years, the child will grow to be an adult who can dress, eat, sleep on her own. All the physical help that is being provided by you when the child is young will no longer be required. All the physical needs can be easily taken care of by the self. What matters most is how your reaction was to the tantrums experienced while you were teaching your child to take care of the physical needs. Your mental condition, emotional state and your response to her mess created while feeding, saying no to bath, struggling to sleep and many other tantrums is all that matters.
Your emotions are shaping your child's persona. If you are angry, your child will learn to be angry. If you are calm, your child will learn to be calm.
At any moment, parents should not be focussed only on getting the thing done. It is important how it is being got done. What emotions were created and experienced? Was there something to learn? There is nothing unique in providing just physical help to the young ones, but, is important that the foundation for their emotional being is well laid in the early years.

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