May 15, 2016

Another busy day when child needs parent's warmth

It was another usual busy morning. Too many tasks to do, too little time. A takes time to shift between tasks. Obviously, contextual switching in a child's brain does not happen as quickly as it happens in an adult's brain. They need time to understand the situation, they take time to do something. Once she wakes up, she takes time to get off the bed, she wants to roll over for one last time(1 for her but it is 5 for me), once she is off the bed she takes time to go to the washroom, once in it, she takes time to actually start brushing her teeth, so on and on.

This morning, she was her usual sleepy self after she got off the bed, she wanted me by her side so that she could relax more. As there was pending work, I came running to kitchen to finish off some final cooking and this got her upset.

Accepted, kids want their mom for that comfort feeling, it is a highly emotional bond to realise that she actually feels comfortable when I am with her. And, I ought to be with her, because not very long from this day, will she  reach a stage where she no more needs me every minute right from the moment she wakes up. She may still feel comfortable with me, but, that may not happen every minute we both are one-room distance apart. She may need me even after she is grown up and come to me when she needs a warm talk to comfort her. I am sure, this does not happen every minute in a day and I would be longing to talk to her then. How comfortable your grown-up child is to talk to you in times of personal/emotional needs depends on the connection you make with your tiny child who, you may feel, is most of the time fussy, messy and irritating. Being irritating is again the parents' perspective, but, for a child, she/he is longing for something, she/he wants to be understood, she/he wants to be caressed and assured that the parent is always by her side. Ask questions when she is upset, encourage her to answer, hold her warmly, hug her, and ask her what is it that she wants to do and explain to her if it is an untimely activity.

So, what did I do? I did the usual thing that I do to handle any of her tantrums. A came crying while running towards me standing in the kitchen. I took her close, sat on the floor, as she sat on my lap, showed her what I was making(i was grating something), asked her if she also wants to do mix-mix. While talking to her about various other things, I finished with grating. Asked her to wait there for a minute so that I could arrange other ingredients and she could do mix-mix. And she replied 'I will wait here, I will not cry, I will only wait here'. As I got up, I named all the ingredients that are to be added and she repeated each of them after me. I gave her a bowl with some rice, grated mango, next was turmeric when A saw me opening the box and she wanted to put it in bowl, I let her with a spoon and she happily did mix-mix those 3 ingredients in her bowl. Meanwhile, I finished making the actual dish. Then I asked her if she enjoyed doing mix-mix, asked her what all she mixed together, she was happy she did something along with amma.

Remember, as an adult, we are always busy, we have a hundred things to get done once our day starts. That way, our mind is always occupied. Never is it idle even for a minute, and if it is really idle, we all know how bored we get and start longing for company to share our time. Whereas for children, they do not have any agenda in mind. It is the parent who has to engage the child. If not engaged, they will try to do something to grab your attention, again, not out of any bad intention, but out of emotional need of a child to have her parent by her side. You cannot leave a child idle and expect her to sit silently until you come back. They are driven by enthusiasm to explore things, not by an intention to stay idle. Enjoy this phase as long as it lasts. One day, for sure, they will not even have time to say a single word before leaving for school/college and we would be disappointed that they didn't even wave a bye to us. 

Next, is, I asked A if she could come for bath and she happily held my finger, dragged me to the bathroom and the rest is peace.

Sometimes, it is those quiet one-one moments that resolve seemingly big mental upsets. Take time to talk to your child, take time to share her emotions. And, if you are really busy, get her involved in whatever you are doing at the moment. Do not worry of any mess that's going to happen. If you are handling 10 things, give her 3 things, get her involved, engage her, assure her mother is always by her side. Remember, whatever you do to your child, however you are handling her tantrums is the same way she is going to handle situations that come across in her life. 

No comments:

Post a Comment